New sem, new hope, finals

New sem just started.
My finals are here.
yet, this is not my final sem, because, I failed one subject..and need to be repeated in one sem.
I'm now attending the subject same class as my fellow juniors.
I don't blame anyone..but myself. This is my cause and the effect now.
Somehow, I don't feel ready to do this. So many things to do..and I'm still lagging behind.
I know I'm not the only one who is going through this, its not that I'm not worry.
I'm superly worry now.
I don't know how am I going to do this.
People has high hopes on me, and believe in me.
The encouragement, the force to continue and believin in myself, its pretty hard for me to push myself. I' know I'm still lagging behind...and still not movin forward. That's the fear I have in me now.
I feel so guilty....

and now, I'm going out to print (another step forward, I guess) and cut hair!!!

Lucky and wonder..

I feel lucky and grateful to do my internship in Axis Network Design Consultant (ANDC) under Axis Identity Group (AIG).

1) I learned a lot
a) bout the life of an ID, what is the real task in this world.
b) new stuff, commands, short cut keys in CAD.
c) well basically..what is ID all about.

2) My seniors were willingly to teach me..what i donno..what i've lost..and teach me the 2nd time..after the 1st, i've forgotten.

but now im thinking is that what i wan to do my whole life?

these few months...i've been thinking ..and thinking..even though i'm still thinkin shallowly..but i've been thinking bout lots of stuff..

I've heard stories, I've seen too many movies (i know its a fiction) but it just made me thinks bout life. that's part of life too...other than sci-fi.

Its just too much. Maybe i'm just shallow...immature...and slow... Its depressing...

I really think a lot..alot..what i'll be...what i'll do..what i'll become..

I just finished watching "Mom at 16" while blogging this.

I'm wondering whats worst can happen in one's life?

1) failed in anything...job, studies normally..exams..like. fail in driving test for more than 10 times..but some ppl..can go up more than 30times.
2) break up.....not dat bad..sometimes can be suicidable..
3) divorce...double or triple feeling ...worse than normal break up...like duh..
4) being pregnant in teen...it can be the best thing to happen..but teen?
4) lost job/sacked/fired...or rejected at all.
6) giving up baby for adoption.
7) lost someone we love..as in they died...family or any loved ones.
8) gain super lots of weight...to damn kao fat.
9) natural disaster
10) unnatural disaster...accidents/robbery/and..argh...not to mention..
11) lost trust in ppl over and over again...itu..panggilnya stupid
12) ...what else?? other than hell...as if we know..now..when we're still alive..like duh uh..

I just feel I'm lucky..lucky what I have, What I had and what I've gone through.