doom

doom

i puncture 2 of my brother's car's tyres in a day at the same time.

doom

i got 1 month to do my work and i did nothing. NADA.

DOOM

HELL.

I've been Waiting For So Long

I've been waiting for so long.


With all my heart

With all my soul

With all my mind

With all my strength





This is where JJ cried. Can see him wiping his tears and one drop of tear actually fell. Success in Japan.





JJ hwaiting. So proud of JJ and others.

I know..coming from me..high school gila.. but heck it. I love him. love JJ and DBSK. LOL

LAZY BUM and Guilt

It's 2.42 am.

I am super sleepy but...

Youtube is on with JaeJoong's video. Colors-Melody and Harmony, Begin and Been So Long. Download into real player too.

I have cassiopeia family site is on too.

I am still sleepy.

I have my notes behind me, on the couch, front of me, on the table but all closed.

I am feeling guilty for not doing my assignment.

Been lacking behind a lot.

Need 4 to 10 times the speed to catch up with them. 2 subjects hand in hand. Heavy subjects. I'm not only need to catch up with their pace but the status I was in. I need to compete with myself, instead of them.

However, the another guilt I have is, my health.

Sleeping late is already casuing lots of problems.

1) pimples

2) Inbalance hormones

3) Gaining weight due to eating disorder too (timing, skipping the most important meal) I know I'm skinny, but still scared to gain weight as well.

4) FACE mainly, dark eye circles, pimples, and aging. Yes I do mean wrinkles. Wrinkles not only comes later, but it can starts now.

5) Short tempered. Getting irritated, frustrated very easily. Can simply just throw temper.

6) Mood. Mood swings. Due to #2 and #5

I'm scared of all these.

But, I love being alone. This is the only time I can be alone, doing my things without physical distraction. Must get out from the house if I need.

Ah, sleepy, guilty and lazy..... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

B said b4, I knew my own problem but not doing anything bout it. IDIOT. IDIOTIC.

HELP!

Proud to be a Cassie

I saw this video, it made me feel happy, proud and i'm touched but am sad too.
This is how much an artiste would go to keep us around.
Without them, there'll be no Cassiopeia and goes vice versa.
I'm so proud of them, from where they were to where they are now.
It made me feel proud to be a Cassie too.
Go all they way!
Go DBSK.
Always keep the faith!

Kumar the drag Queen

This one ..is incredibly awesome.. It was recommended by one of my friend, MUAKZ thank you.
sorry, even though its a bit cencored and racist..but it was damn funny.

This vid only can be showed to those who can accept Homos and "both mummy and daddy in one body"

Approved by government...of coz not Malaysia I guess.

I don't think i can embed the video here..but please watch in youtube.

You'll laugh Ur A** Off. It was super funny. It has all 3 parts..watch all. God Bless....only Brisbane-ians.... nah just kidding.. God bless everyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfVpwvkgaUw&feature=related

questions part of life.

How true is true?

What exactly is TRUE LOVE?
Does true love really exists?
Must sacrifice be made in order to get true love?
How do I know whether its true love or it's just temporarily?
How do I know whether he's for me or not?
How do I know that I had found the one?
How do I know whether I have found my happiness regardless of love and relationships but everything in life?

How true is true?
How does truth hurt when lies hurts too?
How do we know if that someone is telling the truth or lies?
How that someone can be trusted? HYPOCRITES? Everyone?

What is TRUE FRIENDS?
What is FriENdS exactly?
Does friends betray each other?
Does friend get angry easily at another friend for a small mistake or mistakes?
What makes this friend different from another friend(s)?
Does friends FORGIVE each other of their wrong doings in the past?
Does friends envy or jealous of each other?
How long can friends stick to each other?
Does friends ignore each other?? for obvious and unobvious matters?

Friends can be found and made anywhere and anytime. TRUE?

What do you think?

DBSK

I just love them more and more.
I can't wait for the AADBSK3, All about DBSK season 3.
so many wonderful, funny and amazing pictures of JJ. So cute, so hot.
I sound so high school..What the heck is wrong with me??

http://dbsknights.blogspot.com/
http://www.cassiopeia-family.com/forums/

the blog which i always keep track and follow and the shoutbox in the forum I chat everyday, every single time i on my lap top.

DBSK hwaiting.

Intimate Note

I've watched many types of korean variety shows in youtube which featured Super Junior and SNSD but specially watch those especially featuring DBSK.

However, I watched this korean variety show called Intimate Note featuring Super Junior, I was laughing my a** off. It was really funny especially one part where they act as girls. It was super funny. I really recommend it to those people who are bored and in bad mood to watch. It'll lighten up and make you feel better.

Those who like korean too, :D

Enjoy it!



or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Vl-po2vukc

Agyness Deyn

World's supermodel.
I love her short hair. Wanted to cut my hair like that but she's blonde and she could pull it off.
I got thick and frizzy hair. -_- leavin ma hair long again..2 years later.
she's pretty.
She pose for GAP, BURBERRY (the famous one) others.....and now ANNA SUI. She's good.
People says she's the next Kate Moss.

And this this Agyness's blog..i don't it belongs to her..but yea..her pics.. :)

http://agynessdeyn-online.blogspot.com/

Seoul Dream Contest

I've been watching youtube....look for DBSK and SUJU.
There's a lot of good entry for Seoul Dream Conctest but I never once look at it.

Then, I found one in DBSK sleepless nights blog. They put it up one video. This girl, from Atlanta, US, she enter this contest. She played violin and cello to the song "Love in The Ice" by DBSK. She did it very good. She's talented. Even though its edited..but the piece she did was incredibly Awesome.

people, plz watch.




or


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kk7WlnsJJQo

.. .

I always wanted to write something but I'm afraid I will offend people.
That is why, I never wanted to blog much.

DBSK not disband-ing

DBSK is always one.
3 of them, Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu just want to stand up for their rights. They just wanna escape from the unfairness of the contract between them and SM Entertainment.
What they got, they don't get what they deserve.
I'm pity them, sad for them. They strive so hard to make their dreams come true..to be an artiste. However, they've been treated unfairly. I pitied them. Flying up and down, from Korea to Japan and vice versa. Lack of sleep, stress, and tired, mentally and physically. Poor Guys.
I just hope they got what they deserve and win the case.

Cassies and I are praying hard for them!

ALways have the faith!

hWaitiNg!!

Yourshimi hae jusaeyo

DBSK and SM

There's a circulation bout 3 DBSK members goin to sue their company, SM Entertainment.
Rumours saying they're splitting..rumours rumours..all these people got nothing to do but spreading rumours.
Cassiopeias are so furious and worry bout this. Honestly, even I myself :)
DBSK, they're so talented and brought Asia's artistes to fame to whole world. A lot of people know bout them. They're good.
I just hope they can remain as 5, as DBSK. "God rise from the east" Love them.
Hwaiting!

what had happened?

This is a story told by my friend. I pitied her. I don't know how I should confort her. She told every single details of it. As I am sensitive and emotional girl, I felt her and cried with her.
This is the story...from her side. It'll sound like mine. . .but not.

One evening, as I was folding the dry clean clothes on the sofa, He was watching the TV, and she was at the kitchen. (Oh no, I forgot this part , . . . .SKIP few parts) they started to quarrel about something small in the living room, in front of me. I had no idea what had got into them especially him. (sorry, I'm not suppose to say this, but he is sick not the insane sick) I think he got so frustrated. He started to say "I want a divorce" just when she went to the back. I was shocked and asked him, "Why?!?" "I can't take it anymore", he replied (If I'm not mistaken, X is that what he said? ) I just sat down blankly while folding the clothes and just think, nah, he's just got frustrated.

Another evening, I was watching youtube with the headphone on in the living room. My sister was watching TV sitting opposite me. My mom was holding a broom, and came out. While starting to sweep the floor, she asked me, did I sweep the floor? I replied no. That's all I could hear. I know she'll start to mumble more, and I on the volumn louder (eh X, u shudnt do dat. but, ehhe. I sometimes would too) She was complaining, poor my sis, she heard everything. I looked at my sis, she was watching the TV uneasy and keep turning her head to me too. And I even heard my mom said "He has gone crazy" in chinese of course. She kept saying that. I was like, why blame him? I felt bad for not doing house chores.

One night, after dinner, I fetched my dad to a nearby supermarket to buy some stuff. On the way, he was complaining to me. (er, i hope i get this right, sorry X) "I couldn't stand her. Her negativity thoughts, 3 of them also the same (X's mom, aunty and grandma). Words came out from the mouth is always negative. Asked if I am a man or not. What am I suppose to do? That's a powerful accusation. What they want me to do to show it? 1- Be patience 2- slap them and tell them is this man? 3- slap and rape" I got offended too. OMG. How could he said that? He has been with this family over 30 years and now he said this? I was sooo caught in the middle. I don't know what to say, I just kept quiet the whole time. He went down, and I was waiting in the car, what he told me, got into me, and my tears running down my cheeks. I was sad. (Poor X, now I'm tearing, pulak) I couldn't stand staying at home, I went to my friend's house instead (ma house, luckily I didn't go to my classmates' hse that day)

I was trying to hide from my friend. I was pretending to be cool. I was feeling better with my friend around. As midnight struck, I went home. I went online, and my friend start to ask me what had happened. I tried to lie to her, and I thought she don't know but I still couldn't hide from her. I in the end told her everything and start to cry. Luckily as my family members had slept. My friend's house were alike like mine. We both sleep together with our grandmothers. That's why Yun has been always my bestest friend. Thank you. (Thank you for trusting me, love you)

One morning, late morning, I was still on bed. My grandmother asked me to wake up and eat. She asked about where's my dad. As I know he was out and I told her he was out. She then start to complain about my dad. I was like WTF, I just woke up. (I understand that feelings, very frustrating!!) She started to say my dad said want to get a divorce after I graduate (I'm in University now, final year) I was like what? I didn't ask more, and my grandma keep talking about it. Telling me about my dad, complaining and all. I was laying facing the wall and she still keep talking about it. He blames everything on my dad. She said ask my dad to do some stuff, also so lazy. She even said, my aunty scolded him and ....there it goes...I was like..OMG..why is this happening?? (X, this happened to my family too, as in grandma complaining about me and dad for being lazy) I wanted to ask her to stop talking and shut up, I was so hurt, and I was crying, and forced myself to sleep again. I don't wanna think about it anymore. I woke up again, I was feeling it inside. I was so hurt, so sad. The whole day was spoiled with this. They haven't tell me anything about this. I thought he was just frustrated and saying it, but now, he is really serious bout it. I think they don't wanna tell me anything til I graduate. Now, I think back, now I understand what my mom said my dad is crazy. I think it happened that day.

Since then, I couldn't stop thinking about this. I feel so sad, awkward seeing them together at home. I want to tell my sis what happened but I seldom see her nowadays. She always work so late, well, she's rushing to a project dateline. Cannot tell her much too, don't wanna add her stress.I'm grateful for Yun. HUGS. HUGS BACK. I told another friend, a guy friend about this, cause I couldn't get Yun, because she was busy with her assignment (sorry X) I don't wanna let her got worry more (X, it's ok. At least u got to let it out)

X, I just wanna let this out too. I feel so helpless. I couldn't help you much and I only can be there for you. Love you always. You can always come to me. Next time, anything, tell me k? Don't keep inside. BFF

KPOP

I've been following every updates of DBSK in youtube. Thank you to DBSK fans who updated new videos.

I'm now a fan of DBSK since March, after I saw their video in Channel [V].

Ever since, I keep watching their videos, listen to their songs.

DBSK, Dong Bang Shin Ki or TVXQ or 东方神起 or Tohoshinki in Japanese consisted of 5 members, Hero Jae Joong, Xiah JunSu, Micky YuChun, youngest, 21 Max ChangMin and the leader, U-know YunHo. Others are 23. HEHE.

Xiah, Micky, Hero, Max, U-Know

I know this sounds childish, and I know I'm old for this, but somehow, I'm kinda fan one of them, Kim Jae Joong. This sound so old school, high school thingy, but, he's too charming and attractive. His body, well build.

Hero/ YoungWong Jae Joong, the eldest among 5 of them, however not the leader of DBSK.

He's cute, pretty boy. It's like infatuation on first sight. I really really want to meet them especially Jae Joong. Waiting for their next appearance in Malaysia. I heard they're coming to Malaysia with Super Junior. I don't know whether its true or not. But I wish they'll come. I'll spend and go!!

I now got a help from a website, where I can download all their albums. I even bought one of their new Japanese album , 'The Secret Code' and another album, 'O-Jun Ban Hap' given by Soo Har, er, since she don't listen to them, and she kinda gave it to me!!! YEAH!! Thank you!! HUGS!

I've been keep updating myself everyday, almost everyhour with their new or old videos in youtube.

At the same time, I'm doing the same thing for Super Junior too. Not that big fan,but consider a fan of them too. They're good. This group, the biggest number of members in a group, 13 of them. Yes that's huge. Leader, EeTeuk or LeeTeuk, Siwon, Kangin, ShinDong, Yesung, KiBum, DongHae, HeeChul, Hangeng or HangKyung imported from China :), EuHyuk, KyuHyun, RyeoWook and SungMin.

I got to asked my brother to download their new album, 'Sorry sorry, 3rd Album' I almost wanted to buy this album but due to financial crisis. I like Few songs which are good, like the fast beat 'Sorry sorry', 'Neorago; It's You', 'Why I like you?' and 'Let's not'.

DongHae, HangKyung, EunHyuk

RyeoWook, KyuHyun, and Shindong

Kangin, YeSung, LeeTeuk and SungMin

SiWon, HeeChul, KiBum

I wanted to buy DBSK latest korean album too, 'Mirotic' but also no $$$, So I download their album instead. I feel like buying their albums for collections. Just collection.

Ever since my brother came back from Hong Kong last year, he has been following few korean dramas, korean shows on TV and since then, I got to followed my brother too. I'm now a Kpop-not-a super big fan but fan. Watch music bank, other variety shows. Interesting, funny and memorable. Girl's Generation,SNSD consisted of 9 girls, are pretty good too. I now wonder SM Town groomed group artistes like DBSK, SUJU and SNSD are good and always top in the market. SNSD, new Single, 'Tell Me Your Wish;Genie' are nice too but not as nice as their previous single, 'Gee'

DBSK Hwaiting! Super Junior Hwaiting! Girls Generation Hwaiting!

blog

blog....i blog to blog..like duh uh...its a on9 journal..where ppl read..unless i put it private.
i dont get it..when ppl said..its too much drama..and ask me to get a life..i think dat person should get a life..where if dat person don like this blog..so..leave..and dont comment and askin ppl to get a life..WTF. so what i'm self centered..is that 'ur' problem? does my self centered concern 'u' or affects 'u'. I'm upset and pissed easily..and emo. SO WHAT? that's my life.

I emo on tiny bitsy stuff. I'm sensitive and pissed on stuff easily. Emo ppl like me..cant get along with another emo ppl as partner..really can die. over sensitive..and emo..oh no..im still working on it.

sometimes..i feel i'm invinsible. as if i don't exist before. not i don't exist at all. I'm still a human after all. I have feelings. the history still there. nothing can erase the history..unless I lost memory of it..which I really wish I did but I'm not. So..I am selfish. I admit. I don't care. It hurts me when I feel i don't exist before.

I can forgive but I can't forget. I'm a vengeful person. Ok. I can forgive after somtimes..but I still remembers it..of what had happened. I mean this general meaning..not specific incident that had happened. Certain things ...mostly negative things..I can remember easily..but not positive.

I'm just upset..and letting this out. and this is my blog. I want to talk bout what is my own blog.

I'm sad of what had happened.

I felt bad for my parents..who worked so bloody hard for raising us, my brother and I, and keeping this house alive, home.

I'm even upset that I'm like not existed in this world. I'm always the last to know bout things. Not to say I'm not a busybody. I admit I am..but when it concerns bout my class, my schedule, my course, infos, my friends, things around..I don't know til last minute..ok..almost last minute.
I'm upset, I have a circle of friends, which I consider close..but all of them are closer to each other instead of me and few other ppl. sometimes I felt i don't belong in that circle...not only that circle..but few other circles. that's when I feel I wanna get out from here. I don;t belong anywhere. Ok..YES..I should do somthing bout it..like what? be more busybody?

I don't knwo what is happening..I don't understand why that happened.

WHAT is fooking wrong with me??


Where are you when I needed you?
Where are you when I needed someone to talk, to consult, to comfort?
Why am I still like that?

どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう？??

I'm just letting off my feelings..and I felt bit better.

OMFG.!!!

I've dropped my lap top 1st time of my life..OMFG!!!
coz of the steepness of the drafting table..and slippery of the butter paper...
I put the lap top on top of the butter paper..on the steep table..and it dropped.I played songs.
Apparently, I'm suprised..it's still OK and I still can on the volumn louder..and I'm now blogging..AWESOME!!!!

I was scared, that it breaks into pieces, everything out...but fortunately its still GOOD in one piece!!!

Toshiba is good..and durable..LOLX...Just it has shock absorber...GOOD ONE...yeah..I like my lap top even more..!!HAHAHA..but there're some things are a bit...........retarded..its almost 3 years old. The time has come..I think I can sustain it 3 more years..hehe..

AWESOME..

I'm sorry

I'm sorry for being in bad mood.
I'm sorry to throw temper.
I'm sorry that I didn't do my work well.
I'm sorry for yelling.
I'm sorry for walking away.
I'm sorry for hurting you over and over again.
I'm sorry for not being understanding.
I'm sorry for disappointing you.
I'm sorry for sorrying so much because I can't help it. It's my nature.
I'm sorry for not showing my love and my care to you that much.
I'm sorry.

I do love and care for you.
I promise what I'd promised myself.
I love you.

New sem, new hope, finals

New sem just started.
My finals are here.
yet, this is not my final sem, because, I failed one subject..and need to be repeated in one sem.
I'm now attending the subject same class as my fellow juniors.
I don't blame anyone..but myself. This is my cause and the effect now.
Somehow, I don't feel ready to do this. So many things to do..and I'm still lagging behind.
I know I'm not the only one who is going through this, its not that I'm not worry.
I'm superly worry now.
I don't know how am I going to do this.
People has high hopes on me, and believe in me.
The encouragement, the force to continue and believin in myself, its pretty hard for me to push myself. I' know I'm still lagging behind...and still not movin forward. That's the fear I have in me now.
I feel so guilty....

and now, I'm going out to print (another step forward, I guess) and cut hair!!!

Lucky and wonder..

I feel lucky and grateful to do my internship in Axis Network Design Consultant (ANDC) under Axis Identity Group (AIG).

1) I learned a lot
a) bout the life of an ID, what is the real task in this world.
b) new stuff, commands, short cut keys in CAD.
c) well basically..what is ID all about.

2) My seniors were willingly to teach me..what i donno..what i've lost..and teach me the 2nd time..after the 1st, i've forgotten.

but now im thinking is that what i wan to do my whole life?

these few months...i've been thinking ..and thinking..even though i'm still thinkin shallowly..but i've been thinking bout lots of stuff..

I've heard stories, I've seen too many movies (i know its a fiction) but it just made me thinks bout life. that's part of life too...other than sci-fi.

Its just too much. Maybe i'm just shallow...immature...and slow... Its depressing...

I really think a lot..alot..what i'll be...what i'll do..what i'll become..

I just finished watching "Mom at 16" while blogging this.

I'm wondering whats worst can happen in one's life?

1) failed in anything...job, studies normally..exams..like. fail in driving test for more than 10 times..but some ppl..can go up more than 30times.
2) break up.....not dat bad..sometimes can be suicidable..
3) divorce...double or triple feeling ...worse than normal break up...like duh..
4) being pregnant in teen...it can be the best thing to happen..but teen?
4) lost job/sacked/fired...or rejected at all.
6) giving up baby for adoption.
7) lost someone we love..as in they died...family or any loved ones.
8) gain super lots of weight...to damn kao fat.
9) natural disaster
10) unnatural disaster...accidents/robbery/and..argh...not to mention..
11) lost trust in ppl over and over again...itu..panggilnya stupid
12) ...what else?? other than hell...as if we know..now..when we're still alive..like duh uh..

I just feel I'm lucky..lucky what I have, What I had and what I've gone through.